Me & Death Read online

  This was my chance. I held out all the money in my pocket and told him I didn’t want any change.

  He frowned. “Why not?”

  “The guy who runs this store lent me some money yesterday,” I said. “I told him I’d pay it back. You just put this … thirty-seven dollars in the till and call it square.”

  Kid was my age. He put down the comic and stared at me through his wire-rimmed glasses “You talking about Harabujee?” he said. At least that’s what the word sounded like. “My grandfather gave you money?”

  “I dunno,” I said. “Skinny old guy who’s always here.”

  “Yeah that’s Harabujee. But I don’t get it. He’s always talking about how hard he works. And how lazy everyone else is. Hell, he doesn’t pay me. There’s no way he’d just give you money.”

  The hornet drifted back. Or maybe it was another hornet. Anyway, it was buzzing in lazy circles around my head. I felt the situation getting out of control. I pushed the cash at the kid. “Take it,” I said.

  “If Harabujee gave you that money, you still have to pay for the nectarine.”

  “Forget the nectarine. I’ll put it back. Take the cash, okay?”

  “Just let me check.” He turned his head and shouted something over his shoulder, into the room at the back of the store.

  The hornet was hovering near me. I took a step back.

  “Don’t bother to check,” I said. “How about if I –”

  Mr. K showed up, wiping his mouth. He smiled politely at me and then said something quick and sharp in Korean. His grandson started to explain, but Mr. K shook his head after three seconds. THAT IS RIDICULOUS! he said. (I don’t know if he said that, but that’s sure what it sounded like.)

  “That’s what I thought, Harabujee,” said the kid. “Which is why I –”

  Mr. K interrupted, talking faster and faster. And getting angry. Not at me, though – at his grandson. He talked right over the kid’s explanations.

  “But I wasn’t overcharging him, Harabujee,” he said. “He wanted to … He … He offered …”

  Mr. K never even stopped to breathe.

  I tried to say something, but they both ignored me.

  The hornet landed on the top of the cash register and sat there, stretching its wings gently.

  Mr. K had the comic book in his hand now, shaking it in the kid’s face.

  “Yes, Harabujee,” he said. He had his head down now. He’d given up. “I know I shouldn’t be reading this.”

  I turned and walked out, carefully replacing the nectarine on the top of the pyramid. More hornets were buzzing around. One of the plums had burst, I noticed, and the insects were enjoying the flesh and juice. The cash went back into my pocket. Mr. K’s voice rose behind me like a bird in flight.

  I walked down to Galley Avenue. This time I went west, checking laneways and on-street parking on the south side. No blue Pontiacs, no slender teenaged girls. But when I got back to Roncy I caught sight of a familiar figure a block down, waiting at the streetcar stop. Something about the way this kid held himself, leaning forward and a bit hesitant. Was it Lloyd? His hair was the right ginger color. I was about to call out, but a streetcar arrived and he got on. That was that.

  I was hungry. I’d eaten some puffed wheat at home, but we’d run out of sugar, and without sugar puffed wheat is not really breakfast. It is barely cereal. And I still had thirty-seven dollars in my pocket. One good thing about Roncy is that you are never far from a donut shop. Crossing the street, I looked both ways. I was paying for my double-double and honey cruller when someone hit me from behind. It was Sparks, alone. I was surprised. I’ve seen Cap without him, but not the other way round.

  “You Jim?” He wore a sleeveless shirt to show his cantaloupe biceps.

  “Me Jim,” I said, like Tarzan. “You Sparks.”

  He didn’t get it. He frowned, his one eyebrow bending in the middle.

  “You sure? You sound like Jim, but you don’t look like him.”

  Sparks is not the quickest cockroach in the race.

  “Yeah, I’m sure. I know who I am.”

  “Cap wants to see you.” Doubtfully. “If you’re really Jim.”

  “Great,” I said. “I’ve been looking for Cap too.” Raf hadn’t called, which meant that he hadn’t been home to see the sign by his door. Cap would know where he was. “What’s going on at Jerry’s? How come the store is closed?”

  Sparks frowned.

  “You come with me. Okay?”

  “ ’Kay.”

  “We’ll see Cap.”

  “Got it.”

  No point in discussing things with Sparks. He wouldn’t understand. He’d do what he was told – bring me to Cap if he saw me. And anyway he was the size of a small building. He could have carried me over his shoulder like a baby.

  CHAPTER 25

  The sun was surrounded by clouds that looked like dumplings – they even seemed heavy, like they would weigh on your stomach if you ate them. We walked up Roncy and down Geoffrey, Sparks at my elbow. Moms with strollers and off-shift workers with cigarettes and shopping bags stayed out of our way. I kept my head down, in case I ran into Marcie. If you’re asking was I ashamed of being seen with Sparks, the answer is yes. I didn’t want the first girl I’d ever kissed to know the old piece-of-crap side of me.

  We didn’t see her.

  Cap lived on Sorauren, in an old factory that had been divided into units. His place was on the second floor, a huge triangle-shaped room. TV room, kitchen, bedroom in the three corners, with enough empty floor space in the middle to play tennis. Kind of cool. Sparks let himself in. Cap was on the couch watching a Nas video. Sparks handed him a coffee and a chocolate donut and kept another for himself.

  “This guy here is Jim,” he said. “I think.”

  “So he is,” said Cap. “You look horrible, Jim. Like a cancer kid.”

  He turned down the sound. The video kept playing in the background. I stood in front of him, smiling to show I knew it was a joke. Cancer is hilarious, all right.

  “But you’re back, and that’s the main thing. I saw you get run over, you know.” Cap took a sip of coffee, grimaced. “I was on the street with Sparks here when you went under that car. I was like, Gee that’s too bad about Jim. We were upset, weren’t we, Sparks?”

  Sparks and I didn’t say anything. We knew Cap was lying.

  “Anyway, I’m glad you’re here now. I want to talk to you about our friend Rafal. Your partner.”

  Cap took a delicate bite of donut. The video played in the background, Nas and The Game trading lines. I stayed silent. Cap was going to tell me what I wanted to know.

  “Raf’s in jail,” said Cap. “Arrested on the scene, and they still haven’t let him out. Pineview Youth Detention Center, out in Etobicoke. I talked to his lawyer about the charges. Raf’s still a minor, and joyriding is a misdemeanor. You wouldn’t think there’d be a problem.”

  Cap gestured for me to come closer. I leaned down and he spoke right near my ear. “But the cops aren’t talking about joyriding. This is Raf’s second arrest. The cops figure he’s part of a major car-theft ring. The lawyer’s worried for me.”

  “Why’s Raf’s lawyer worried for you?”

  Cap drank coffee. “Because I’m paying him. He’s my lawyer.”

  “But you’re not in jail.”

  “Not yet I’m not. And I don’t want to go. Neither does Jerry. That’s why he’s in the Bahamas now.” Cap poked a finger at me. “What about you, Jim? You were at the scene. They’ll have your fingerprints. D’you want to go to jail?”

  “No.”

  “ ’Course you don’t. You’re a smart guy. So here’s what you do. You go to Pineview to visit Raf, and you tell him not to say anything, no matter what the cops promise him. Can you do that?”

  Cap handed his empty coffee cup to Sparks.

  “See, Jim, the cops really want the car thieves. They might offer Raf a deal. They might tell him he’ll go free if he says who he’s work
ing for. I don’t want that. I do not want my name showing up on police files. I do not want any talk about me or Jerry. Do you understand?”

  Sparks gave a small squeak, like a mouse asking for a piece of cheese.

  “Or Sparks. Or any of us here.” Cap gave me a smile so creepy I wanted to give it back without opening it. “We’re a family, and family don’t sell each other to the cops. Right, Jim?”

  The video was over. Nas showed his scarred back to the camera.

  “I’ll talk to Raf,” I said.

  “Good boy.”

  I took a deep breath. “But I want to make something clear, Cap. I’m out.”

  “Out? Out of what?”

  “The gang. Whatever we are at Jerry’s. You and Sparks and the guys in the garage. I’ll tell Raf what you said about talking to the cops. I’ll do that for you. But nothing else. I won’t be coming round Jerry’s store. You don’t have to worry about me asking questions anymore. I don’t want to know anything. I don’t want to work for you ever again.”

  I still had a half-full coffee cup in my hand. It was cold by now.

  “I nearly died last week, Cap,” I said. “I know things I didn’t used to. I know what pieces of crap we are. And all that stuff about us being family – I know that’s crap too. I saw you and Sparks laughing while I was lying in the middle of the road. Don’t ask me how, but I did. You didn’t care about me, and you don’t care about Raf. All you care about is you. Well, screw you, Cap. And –”

  “Watch out!”

  I knew that voice. I ducked as soon as I heard it. Sparks’s punch went over my head.

  CHAPTER 26

  He swung so hard that he lost his balance, stumbling past me and ending up on his knees.

  “And screw you too, Sparks,” I said.

  Cap swore quietly. My coffee cup had ended up in his lap. He stood up, holding his pants away from his skin.

  “Leave him alone,” he said to Sparks, who was back on his feet with his fist cocked.

  I was safe enough for now. They still needed me to talk to Raf. What I wanted was to stay safe afterwards. And I had an idea about that. Instead of leaving, I lifted my head and spoke to the ghost in the three-piece suit.

  “Thanks, Tadeusz.”

  An expression of surprise broke across his face. He wasn’t used to being thanked.

  “So this is what you Mourners do – you warn people of danger. And you can show up anywhere, anytime.”

  He nodded.

  “ ’Cause I remember once when I was getting off the streetcar late at night, I thought I heard someone tell me to watch out, and I stopped on the bottom step, and this pickup truck came roaring past. Would have run me over if I’d kept going. I looked around, but I was alone on the streetcar. So that was you, or Denise maybe. Or some other Mourner.”

  He nodded again. Sad little smile on his face.

  “Well, all I can say is that your timing is real good.”

  Sparks and Cap seemed puzzled. I must have looked crazy, talking to the air.

  “Who’s there, Jim?” said Cap. “Who you talking to?”

  “Tadeusz Kosinski.”

  Cap went very still.

  “You remember Tadeusz, don’t you, Cap? Used to live around here. Fat guy, always dressed nice. Used to kick people out of their homes. A couple of years ago he was the one the police were after; now it’s you.”

  Sparks’s mouth gaped open, showing a lot of dirty teeth. “Tadeusz? Wasn’t he –”

  “Shut up, Sparks,” said Cap. “Yeah, ’course I remember Tadeusz. I worked for him – a cheapskate, I always thought. But he’s dead, Jim.”

  Sparks nodded his head vigorously. “In the lane,” he said. “Behind the restaurant.”

  “Shut up, Sparks.”

  Coffee puddled on the floor. Cap went over to the kitchen area, washed his hands at the sink, dried them carefully on a towel. A fastidious guy. Tadeusz watched him carefully.

  “Yeah, he’s dead,” I said. “But his ghost is still around. And I can see him now. He’s on the back of the couch.”

  I pointed.

  Sparks whirled around. “Where?”

  Fear in his voice. Sparks was totally superstitious – like a kid, or a Viking. Once, during a storm he had confided in me that he feared the thunder giants.

  “I see nothing,” he whispered.

  “He’s sitting there,” I said, “with his hands folded. Nodding at me now – hi, Tadeusz.” I waved. “He’s still dressed okay – got a suit on. But it’s wrinkled. And of course there are bullet holes in it.”

  Sparks took a step back. “Bullets,” he said.

  “He’s kidding, Sparks,” said Cap. “Aren’t you, Jim?”

  “Nope.”

  I wasn’t freaked seeing Tadeusz. I’d seen Morgan at the hospital. I knew that there were ghosts out there. Yes, it was odd to see a floating gray figure in Cap’s living room. But Tadeusz was a reminder of what I was trying to do with my life, what I did not want to become. And he was on my side – he didn’t want me to end up like him either. He was a friend, in a way that Cap and Sparks weren’t.

  Sparks wriggled, as if there was a beetle crawling up his back.

  “Is he still there, Jim? What’s he doing?”

  “He’s shaking his head.”

  “Is he angry at me?”

  Sparks had a gristly knot of a nose, and it twitched now.

  “Why would he be angry?”

  “Because of what happened behind the restaurant. When Cap and I –”

  “For the last time, shut up!” said Cap.

  Sparks shivered. Scared, or maybe he could feel the chill coming off Tadeusz. I know I could.

  “He’s not angry,” I said. “He’s disappointed.”

  And puzzled, I could tell. His head was on one side and he was looking at Sparks and then at Cap.

  “Oh! Oh! Oh!” Sparks jerked his head sideways. “I don’t like this. Tell him to go away, Jim.”

  “There’s no one here,” said Cap. But Sparks was unconvinced.

  “Tadeusz looks after me,” I said. “Remember that. I don’t want you walking up to me on the street and punching me. He’ll be there. He’ll put his hands on you, Sparks. His cold, cold hands. Do you want that?”

  Sparks shook his head.

  “He may even whisper in your ear,” I said. “Just think – you’ll feel his cold breath all down your neck.”

  “No!” Sparks was staring around wildly. “No! I don’t want any ghost breathing on my neck!”

  He ran to Cap’s door, yanked it open, and disappeared into the hall, yelling some thing about ghosts and revenge. The door stayed open.

  Now that I wasn’t in danger, Tadeusz had no reason to be here. He rose off the back of the couch and floated across the room. He glared at Cap the whole time, even when his body was through the outside wall and I could only see his head. Something about Cap was really upsetting him.

  Cap took off his cap, ran his hand over his head. “Would you go to Pineview and tell Raf to keep quiet, Jim? Would you do that for me?”

  I’d never seen him bareheaded. He looked quite different with his clipped hair and a neat razor part. Almost pleasant.

  I nodded. “I’ll talk to Raf. What he does then is up to him. But get this straight, Cap – I’m not coming back.”

  “I don’t want you back,” said Cap. “Get out of here and close the door behind you. I want to change clothes.”

  I walked home with my head down. The dumpling clouds had spread to cover the sky, and it was starting to rain. I found a new box of Froot Loops, a carton of milk, and some maple cookies. I had a snack or maybe it was lunch, took my pill, and listened to the rain run off the eaves.

  I couldn’t keep my eyes open, so I went upstairs for a nap.

  Music coming from my sister’s room.

  “Cassie!” I called.

  No answer. I knocked on her door and called her name again.

  “Go away!” she screamed. “Leave me alone!�
�

  I wanted to talk to her, but I was just too beat. I went to bed and slept all the way through until late next morning.

  Cassie was gone. I charged through another bowl of cereal, bought an apple I didn’t really want, and went for a walk down Galley Avenue. Still no sign of Marcie or the car. Too bad because I could have told her about Tadeusz. She’d have been interested. I bet she could see ghosts too. It was something we had in common. She’d have laughed at Sparks running away.

  And then it was one o’clock – visiting hours at the youth detention center. I hopped a 504 streetcar to the Dundas West Station, then a westbound train to Islington and a southbound bus to Pineview Terrace.

  CHAPTER 27

  Who picks street names? I could see no pine trees from Pineview Terrace. Junked cars, trash, and a couple of barbed-wire fences around the sooty brick detention center – that was the vista. The only green growing things were weeds.

  I pushed my way through two sets of doors, signed in, waved at the security camera, held my hands up to be frisked.

  Now there was something piney – a smell coming from the bucket in the corner of the room. They should have called it Pine-Sol Terrace.

  So far I was the only visitor. I had the room to myself, me and the bucket and a bunch of little round tables. Quiet as snow.

  I was feeling heavy inside. I didn’t like Raf being in jail. And then there was the … I didn’t know, the weird way it had all gone down. And when he came in, with a guard and a number on his green shirt and that smile that lit up his face, I felt even heavier.

  “Hey, Jim! They told me I had a visitor, but they didn’t say who.”

  Sparks hadn’t recognized me without hair, but Raf did. I waved.

  “Great to see you! I thought you were dead, man. I heard you got run over!”